He almost became blind
Surprisingly, the long break from work and familiar faces was better than anticipated.
Stealing some time off from the usual insane deadlines, which he'd earlier embraced, he took off to visit his Angel. There was so much he'd needed to tell her, to share with her.
In those precious eight days he'd spent with her, it was as if they'd not parted ways. He could feel her divine presence, this despite his buds concluding he'd lost his mind.
He'd made the first stop at her resting place for two days, prior to heading out to Dublin City in Ireland. There he found the spot at Merrion Square the statue of the man she'd long admired. He paced the ground restlessly, impatiently, as he recalled one of their earlier conversations.
She had casually mentioned her wish: that her ashes be scattered at the Square. It bothered him tremendously that the wish had not been fulfilled; yet the wishes of the ones who love her as much as he does had to be respected.
He was startled when a lone pigeon landed near his feet on the second day he visited, just as he was conversing with his Angel. For a split second, he wondered aloud, "Is that you, my love?"
He could not shake off that feeling all through his return journey to New York. How he wished he had the power to see beyond the naked eye, into the supernatural realm of being.
The days that followed were beautiful though, even as the weather turned cold. He loved sitting just there, beside her, chatting with her, updating her on what had been happening in Singapore.
He could almost see her wide eyes rolling at some of the absurd incidents that had occurred; he could almost hear her gleeful laughter at the love that had blossomed between an impossible couple; he could almost feel her pain as she must've wept at the thought that her mum was now wheelchair-bound; he could almost hear her wistful sigh at some of her favourite bloggers' entries; he could almost feel the touch of the hand he knew she'd placed around his shoulder as he cracked under the veneer of false bravado and cried his heart out.
Damn it! He can only almost do all of that.
Damn it! He wishes it was not only almost.
Damn it! He wants all of that to be a certainty.
Damn it! He realises that in his self-absorbed grief, he nearly became blind to the signs that she is still with him.
And he saw it only when he visited the blogs of one of her favourite authors, DW, who had written in his latest entry 洒满一地的梦:
Hold on to the good memories,
Live one day at a time.
If you can see the sunset today,
Stand still for a few moments
and behold its beauty.
If you don't, then there will always be
one tomorrow, or the day after.
Even if it never comes before
you breathe your last,
There will always be
that last sunset you watched
to remind you of life's splendour.
Oh yes, she is still here with him.
